420 ftw
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
