If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm getting married
To pizza
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
