just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i came on her dog
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
