i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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