Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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