I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
