good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want a musical about memes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
