I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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