There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
