You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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