see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
