they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
did you just send me my own nude
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
