You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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