Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
