Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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