Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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