hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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