She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
