I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
