I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
