New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
