wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
