Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
