he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
