DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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