I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
