how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
