If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
where are my eyebrows?
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