i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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