Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
