Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
