i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
