I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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