8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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