I smell stomach acid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
