I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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