you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
