What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
