How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
