it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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