i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
