some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this will be a night to untag.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
me + whiskey = a bad person
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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