we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
