Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
