doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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