Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
