well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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