so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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