i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize