U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
