I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize