going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
