i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
