Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
