Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
