I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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