Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
