Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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