he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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