It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
