I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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