my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
