I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
